During the quarantine 2020 you might be gradually turning into a couch potato or have been suffering from a social anxiety disorder. Nevertheless, let’s see if you are ready for self-isolation on a tropical island instead of staying at home?

1. Imagine that after a shipwreck you open your eyes and realize that you are alone on a tropical island. What would be your first thoughts?

a) Mamma mia, the island is fantabulous! I’ve never seen anything like this before.

b) Keep calm. I just simply need to recollect some survival skills by Bear Grylls.

c) Cool! I’m like Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away. Are we shooting another movie here?

d) Well, hope it’s not uninhabited and I will find my personal Friday, preferably not a cannibal and of the opposite sex.

e) WTF! Send me back home, please. Please, somebody help me!

2. What do you associate a tropical island with?

a) Solitude with nature

b) Relaxation and meditation

c) Sex on the beach

d) Consequences after a drunk bet the day before

e) What’s the heck am I doing on a tropical island?

3. What is the best thing to do on the island?

a) Blending in with nature

b) Water sports like surfing or windsurfing

c) Body surfing sounds more fun

d) Drunk groove on the beach

e) Elaborating an action plan how to get out of here

4. If you were an exotic cocktail, what would you be decorated with?

a) A huge olive or cherry

b) A tiny drink umbrella

c) I would be served in a coconut or a pineapple to make a splash.

d) A bitter slice of lemon or lime. The bitter the better.

e) None of the above. I’m beautiful no matter what they say.

5. What talent or skills would you like to discover in yourself during your self-isolation?

a) Open all 7 chakras

b) To put up with the situation and chill out till you die

c) Try all possible and impossible poses from the Kama Sutra

d) Give up smoking or drinking

e) Learn how to survive in the wild

6. What would you take with you to the island?

a) A camping set: matches, axe, tent, guitar and an outdoorsy companion.

b) A beach bag with sunglasses, bikini, sunscreen, hat and mosquito repellent.

c) The most functional smartphone to take a bunch of selfies and post them instantly.

d) A very big and deep barrel of rum. I’ve always wanted to become a pirate one day.

e) All my patience and will power as I feel far more comfortable by being isolated at home.

7. What scares you the most on a tropical island?

a) Insects especially if you’ll find them in your sheets or pants.

b) Why would I be afraid of anything? Morning yoga on the beach, wholesome food, outdoor activities, socializing with aborigines, and many other pleasant moments. 

c) A lack of picturesque views to take a perfect selfie.

d) The only fear is to reach the bottom of my rum barrel.

e) A food shortage and cannibals. I’m always hungry but the cannibals are even more.

8. What would you be your daily routines on the island?

a) I would be exploring its flora and fauna.

b) I would be looking into my inner world through the prism of all possible and impossible cocktails.

c) I would make love. The more the better. Hopefully, the island isn’t uninhabited and the locals are hot.

d) I would arrange the delivery of rum with the cannibals. 

e) I would be looking for the answers on such global issues as why starfish have mouths in the middle of their bodies and why mermaids use them as bras?

9. What would you miss the most during the isolation period?

a) Perhaps, a medical care as I’m not really sure if I’ll survive after tarantula bites or scorpion stings.

b) Come on! I’m in a tropical paradise so nothing to miss on.

c) A high-speed Internet.

d) My honor and dignity as it’s hard to stay chaste when you are on a tropical island with a tempting barrel of rum.

e) My family and friends as I didn’t let them know that I would go to the Maldives or Caribbean islands without them.

10. Finally the quarantine is over, so here’s your dilemma whether to go back home or stay on the island. What would you choose?

a) I’ve already turned into vegan and immersed myself into nature as deep as I could, so there’s no turning back.

b) Well, I’ve had enough time to recharge my batteries, and now it’s high time I came back to my natural habitat in a crowded, polluted, and noisy city.

c) I’ve captured so much unique footage in the wild that will be enough to blow up the Internet. It’s time to go home and do it asap.

d) I’ve managed to drum up business with the locals and one of them turned out to be my spouse. And they all lived happily ever after on a tropical paradise island.

e) All’s well that ends well, and I’m all safe back at home.

Results:

Mostly A: You are a dedicated naturalist and a typical introvert. You could live forever on a tropical island or perhaps you already do. Have you ever thought about going on the show Survivor? With your skills and outlook on life, you’d have a great chance of walking away with the grand prize.

Mostly B: You are a well-balanced scout who is trying to do everything in measure either good or bad. And so are your prospects for survival on a tropical island. Now, pull yourself together and work your guts out. The world is your oyster!

Mostly C: You are a happy-go-lucky extrovert who steals the show no matter where you appear either on a tropical island or on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. However, such social butterflies lack of stamina. You will stay alive for a while, but it’s not clear.

Mostly D: You are a real-life daredevil and an alcoholic. You’ll do whatever it takes to survive either in your hometown or on a tropical island. You are the beast, but please, don’t hit the bottle so often, as we are all mortal.

Mostly E: So sorry to tell you that but you have no chances to survive. You are a true homebody and a pathetic wimp. Don’t even dare to go outside. Watch out for a zombie apocalypse. We are already at your doorstep and will eat you no matter you stay at home or on a tropical island.

© Inessa Soroka